I am important and I do matter! We all do!
Hi everybody! That picture above is me smiling. That’s from today. Yesterday that picture would have looked completely different.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. A very bad day.
Positively Jo has bad days??? Who knew??
So, some of you know that I have struggled my entire life with self- esteem and self-worth issues. Now I also struggle with Fibromyalgia pain and depression. Friday was a day where I was in a lot of physical pain as well as a lot of emotional and mental pain.
I was feeling a little discouraged about the decisions I’ve made that have brought me to where I am right now. OK, I lied…not a little, a lot…. I’ve been feeling a lot of discouraging feelings.
My freelancing and blog have not been providing the income that we had hoped for and needed yet. I started missing that consistent biweekly paycheck I used to get. For the first time since leaving my job back in June, I felt a twinge of regret.
I was a mess!!
I felt like a failure, I felt worthless and I felt like I destroyed my family because of the financial strain we are in now.
There was so much negative self-talk going on in my head that I was sure others could hear it LOL.
Once I start feeling like this, I can very easily slip back into my old ways. That’s exactly what I did. I allowed the way another person treated me to reinforce the negative talk. I allowed a stranger to make me doubt myself and knock my confidence.
In comes more negative self-talk
It was a potential remote client that I was really looking forward to working with. We hit it off instantly during our first conversation and I thought for sure that we would work well together. He said he did as well. He also said that I would be hired for some future projects. That’s not what ended up happening though. We had several conversations that I was to receive payment for. I never received the payment. He also kept stringing me along regarding the other projects. I allowed it to go on for way too long. I kept thinking that I needed this client because I needed the money that was owed to me and I needed the pay for the additional projects. Then I started internalizing everything. I started telling myself that the reason this was all happening was that I must not have been good enough to work with his company.
Why did I assume I wasn’t good enough?
If I hadn’t already been feeling so low already, the scenario above and my reaction to it would’ve been completely different.
I would not have automatically assumed that I wasn’t good enough for the job. I would have gotten payment up front & I would have walked away much sooner. I would’ve just chalked it up to the client having some issues. I would’ve had more confidence and I would’ve remembered my worth.
I got to my breaking point on Thursday evening and I decided to accept the fact that I wasn’t ever going to see the payment owed to me & I wasn’t going to be getting the additional projects either. It was time for me to put an end to this. Then I spent yesterday crying, feeling like a failure, regretting my decisions, worrying about my family, worrying about the finances and worrying about whether or not I will get more clients and if so when.
Rescued by my faith and my hubby.
Poor Andy. He is the one that has to deal with me when I get to feeling down like this. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him, the kids and my faith.
Andy came home from work and saw my eyes:
He immediately knew that I was upset.
He asked me what was wrong & I started crying a lot, borderline sobbing, as I told him how I was feeling & I let all of the negative thoughts about myself just spill out rapidly. He held me for a while & then started talking to calm me down. He put our situation into perspective for me. He reminded me that our family was together & we love each other. He also pointed out that we have shelter, food and clean water and that so many others were not so fortunate. He also tried to build my confidence back up by reminding me of situations I’ve succeeded in & achievements of mine through the years. Reminding me that I am good at what I do & I will succeed if I keep focusing on my goals. Great Guy, isn’t he??? I told ya! LOL He is always my biggest fan and I really needed that yesterday.
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13
For the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared. – Proverbs 3:26
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. – Mark 11:24
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7
I concentrated on praying & meditating and got to a place of peace.
I can move forward with confidence and a feeling of self-worth again.
I need to keep the focus on my faith, my family and my blessings.
Have a plan!
So, I know I am not the only person that hears negative self-talk & has times of weakness & struggles with confidence & self-worth. I would probably be correct if I said everybody has those times.
We all need to have a plan to overcome it
We need to have lines of scripture or encouraging quotes compiled and readily available so we can read them for comfort during these times. We should also have somebody to talk to, just to put things into perspective for us and to be our cheerleader. We also need to be available for others in our lives that may need that.
That is one of my goals with Positively Jo. I want to let everybody know that we all have struggles and doubts, but we also all have it in us to conquer and overcome the negativity. We all have the ability to make decisions to improve ourselves & our lives. We are all important & deserve respect. We are all worthy of and deserve happiness and success.
Don’t allow the lows to take over your life. Accept it, face it, deal with it and move on to improve it.
The way I felt for those few days reminded me all too much of how long I had allowed myself to live in that low place during my lifetime. I’m done with that and I will not be a prisoner of fear and self-doubt anymore. I hope none of you will remain in that dark, desperate place either.
Today is the day to decide to break free from those chains of hopelessness. Make a decision to do something to lift yourself up.
YOU are worthy, YOU are beautiful, YOU are important, YOU are strong and YOU are loved!
Please click here to be added to my email list. I will send you a list of inspirational and encouraging quotes to download & look at when you start feeling discouraged and down.
I am also available for 15 minute ($10) and 30 minute ($18) encouragement calls.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking about your fears and self-doubts with someone you know, it may be easier to talk to someone you don’t know.
Please note: I am not a counselor or psychologist. I am just an empathetic, caring, good listener that wants to help people come out of the dark & live the happy life they deserve. I’ve been through a lot & I understand a lot.
If you are interested in talking to me, please click here. I will respond to you with my availability and method of payment accepted, then we can schedule the call.
Remember to take care of yourself and love yourself!
God bless you all!